I dreaded writing this post for one main reason: the topic is about my mom. I knew when I signed up to talk about how I get through another Mother’s Day without my mom, it would bring up so many feelings. But, as my therapist would tell me, I have to feel in order to deal. So I embrace the feelings that come along with this message and hope that this resonates with someone else to help you get through Mother’s Day without your mama.
My Mama
Like many moms, mine was my biggest supporter. I gained so many things from my mom: my work ethic, personality, values, the life I lived, the experiences I had, and the memories I made. When my mom passed away in August of 2019, it was unexpected.
No one prepares you for a death or for the heartache that follows. No one prepares you how to tell your seven year old daughter, who lived for her “Grammy” every day. Not a day goes by that I do not not think about my mom, but for some reason, Mother’s Day and her birthday hit differently.
When I became a mom, I relied on my mom heavily to help me through different phases of parenting. I feel like I am in the thick of parenting myself and would do anything to pick up the phone and ask my mom what she would do.
I just want to hug her and tell her how much I now can appreciate everything she did for me and my sister. I want to tell her how much Adrianna misses her. And I want to also say “thank you.” Thank you for the countless hours of working non-stop to support us, for driving us everywhere, for the calls, the unwavering support and love.
So, with Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday approaching, here are some things that help me get through another holiday without my mom.
We Talk Daily
Throughout every day, I tend to talk in my head to my mom, ask questions, maybe throw in a “WTH” or look for a sign that she hears what I am saying. Today, I wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and thank her for the endless love and sacrifices she made. And when the sun is shining bright or those beautiful pink and purple “fairy” clouds appear, I know my mom is listening.
We Remember on Mother’s Day
I like to use these days as “Grammy Days.” It usually ends up being a conversation between Adrianna and me talking about some funny memories we have with Grammy. Then, we always do something fun that Grammy would do like get ice cream, grab a coffee from Biggby (my moms favorite), do a little shopping, or get our nails done! We have a full album of pictures on my phone and
videos we watch. Hearing my moms voice hits home.
We Feel the Feels
When the emotions come, and they do, we embrace them. I do not hide them, I feel them and I deal with them, so that I can keep pushing forward. And I encourage Adrianna to do the same. I urge Adrianna to share her memories, how she is feeling, and to know it is okay to feel that way. I try to explain that her heart may have a piece always missing, but that Grammy is never far from her dreams or mind. The only way to keep moving forward is to feel those emotions.
This Mother’s Day, I encourage you create a new memory or ritual. Maybe you take some time for you to just feel the feelings. Maybe you have fun creating a memory of your loved one with your kids and family.
I think it is important to remember that it does not necessarily get easier, you just get better at embracing the emotions, feeling, and dealing. Grief is so weird, it comes and goes in waves, but on those hard days I lean in extra to family, the memories, and my mom’s smile, because she sure did light up the room when she walked in.
