When you are 16 and planning out your entire life with your bestie, your plans always include them. They will be your maid of honor at your wedding. You will call them first to let them know you are pregnant. Then, once you are both moms of those perfectly behaved babes, you will have playdates galore. Of course, there will be combined family vacations and a life of bliss as you and your bestie rock navigating your friendship through mom life together.
Fast forward to your thirty-year-old self, and you wonder what happened to those girls. They were by your side at your wedding and were overjoyed with your pregnancy news, but then kids happened. Now you can’t remember the last time you saw them. An occasional text with a relatable mom meme is sent randomly, but that’s pretty much it. You grow nostalgic for that time with your girls and would do anything to have it back, but how? Navigating friendships with mom life is tough, but there are ways to make it work.
Start Small
It’s too much to go from never seeing your besties to hanging out all the time. You barely have time to for yourself let alone scheduled meet-ups. That’s where a simple text can make a huge difference. I’m pretty sure you get all warm and fuzzy when you get a random hello from someone who means a lot. Why not try that for your best girls? The days get busy, making it hard to remember to reach out. Solve this problem by writing a reminder on a sticky note or set a reoccurring alert on your phone. Maybe you text each day or a few times a week. The fact that you are consistent will fill your cup and theirs. They are busy too, but the fact that you care enough to reach out more than once in awhile will help nurture that friendship.
Make a Plan
Once you have continuous communication, look at your calendar and make a face-to-face date happen. Texting and FaceTime is a great start, but navigating friendships with mom life is tricky and human interaction is a must. This is where moms tend to freak out.
Maybe you’ve had some of these thoughts:
- How are you supposed to see friends when you have zero child care?
- You are exhausted and the last thing you want is to have to interact with other humans.
- Friends are great, but you haven’t given yourself time to just be.
All of those are valid reasons to skip in-person time, but think about the benefits of being around someone who genuinely cares about you and who reminds you that you are a person, not just a mom. To navigate those obstacles, come up with solutions. If you don’t have childcare, take your crew to the park and let the kids run around. Plan a walking date. Is it freezing out? Walk the mall and let the kids wreak havoc at the play area. If you have someone to watch the kids, talk to your friend about what timeframe works for them. You don’t have to schedule an entire day away (although if you can, do it) to make an impact on your friendship.
Be Selective of Friends
Navigating friendships with mom life gets complicated as you get older because you learn a lot about people once life gets busier and lives change. This is where you need to focus your energy on those who do the same for you. If you are the only one putting in the work and nothing ever seems to come to fruition, spend your energy on someone else. This doesn’t mean you have to write that person off completely, but you deserve better.
Another thing you don’t have time for is drama. If your circle makes you feel unhappy or negatively impacts your mental health, find a new crew. Every motherhood community group on social media has women asking where to find friends. This means there are a ton of moms who would do anything for a sisterhood to belong to. If you re-evaluate your friends and move on, you will have the space to find someone who gives you the friend love you need.
Best friends are so valuable. I grew up an only child so my best friends were my family and I continued this into adulthood. It hasn’t been easy as I have had to let some go in order to do what is best for my well being. But the friends I have now have taught me just how important it is to have good people in your corner. If you have those kinds of friends, cherish them and try your best to maintain that relationship. If you are seeking that, don’t stop until you find it. Navigating friendship with mom life is not easy, but it is so worth it.
