Not every relationship you have in life is a healthy one. Occasionally, removing a toxic relationship is the best way to move forward. The decision to let go of a toxic relationship might be one of the hardest things you do in your life. It’s something you do for yourself and your family. If someone who is supposed to love and support you is causing you pain and anxiety it might be time to let go. Here are some ways to identify if a relationship is no longer serving you and how you can move on and begin to heal.
How to Tell if a Relationship is Toxic
There are various signs of an unhealthy and potentially toxic relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone who consistently treats you disrespectfully, doesn’t make you feel supported, or seeks to control or manipulate you, it may be a toxic relationship Ask yourself, “What do I get from this relationship?” Think about what would your life might look like without that person in it. Would you be better off? Feel happier? Be less stressed?
Think about the healthy relationships in your life and how much joy they bring. Now, compare that to the one you think could be toxic. How do they differ and what feelings are associated with both? What if you had a friend who was being treated the way you are treated? What would you say to them? Would you tell them to stay?
It may be difficult to admit that someone in your life is toxic, especially if that person is your significant other, friend, or even a relative. Maybe they struggle with mental illness or substance abuse, or maybe they just aren’t right for you. Whatever the reason, making the decision to walk away for good is a decision you make out of love for yourself. It takes a lot of strength to admit that something isn’t right. Walking away from a toxic relationship is a decision you make to protect yourself and choose to be happy rather than suffer in silence.
Ways to Let Go
- Set boundaries: Once you’ve decided it’s time to let go of a toxic relationship, it’s important to create boundaries to protect your own well-being. If the person you’ve decided to leave behind won’t let go, have a good understanding of the step you’ll take if they push you too far. For me, I’ve found that zero contact is the best way to protect myself, but do what works best for you. There are ways to maintain a toxic relationship at a distance if you don’t feel that cutting someone off is feasible or necessary.
- Focus on the positive: Even though this is a difficult choice, reframe it in a positive light. What good things are you going to gain from letting this relationship go? What positive vibes are coming your way? How can you find your joy?
- Talk about it: It helps to lean on close friends and family during the early stages of leaving a toxic relationship. It’s easy to want to isolate yourself, but talking things through with someone you love and trust can help ease your mind.
- Use this as a fresh start: Set a new goal for yourself or start a new hobby. Join a class you’ve always wanted to try or find a new book you love. Treat this as a fresh start for yourself and do something that makes you happy.
It’s OK to Grieve
Feel free to grieve the person you thought they were and the relationship you thought you had with them. Even though they may not be gone from this world, they’re gone from your world and it’s absolutely normal and OK to feel grief. Denial, anger, sadness – your feelings are all valid.
Losing someone in your life is always hard, even if that person did not treat you right. It’s easy to compare your failed relationship with others but try to put things into perspective and consider the circumstances. More than likely, that toxic person in your life was dealing with their own mental health struggles or trauma and they found a way to take that out on you. That doesn’t make it your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You made the best decision for yourself and that should be something to be proud of.
Ask for Help
Sometimes seeking external help, whether that comes from someone you love or a licensed professional, is the best way to move forward. Letting go of a toxic relationship that was no longer serving you is extremely difficult and emotionally taxing. Talk to your partner, your friends, and ask your therapist for some extra sessions if you need it. The more you talk about your thoughts and emotions, the less it hurts and easier it becomes to move on. Remember you are never alone and a toxic relationship is not your fault. You deserve happiness and to be treated with love and respect. Sending love to you.
