I looked out the window at the side-ways screaming rain. “You ready?” he asked. “Yep,” I answered, pulling my hood tight with the strings and knotting a bow. Our foot steps fell side-by-side, sloshing in the pooling puddles of rain. We didn’t talk much, the day had been hard and there wasn’t much to be done about it. So we did what we could do for each other–and our kids–and showed up. Here. In the rain. Together. Walking. If you’re looking to deepen your connection here’s how walking together can keep your marriage strong.
In the Beginning
Nearly five years ago my husband and I began a journey, out of self-preservation, really. A seemingly simple commitment to walk together every night. When our kids were young, we’d enjoyed after dinner walks, each kid with a bike or a scooter, maybe one in a back pack. We’d spent our time in gyms and in spinning classes. Exercise had always been important to us–and honestly, that’s why we started. But now, those hours we walk side-by-side are the bedrock of what holds us together.
When Life is Hard
It’s not rocket sicence to assume that adding children to a marriage is likely to increase the stress. But what happens inside a relationship when you are raising a child who suffers with chronic illness–mental or physical–will bring you to your knees. Our son lives with PTSD. Lots of days are normal. Some are great. But the worst of days are dark, soul crushing and exquistely painful. For him and for us.
We were each dealing with the reality of his–our–struggle in different ways. My husband with quiet introspection, anger and shame. Me with uncontrolled anxiety, fear and also, shame. We struggled to meet in the middle–to have conversations that soothed both of our souls, that provided comfort and hope to each of us so that we could be a light for our boy, and an anchor for our family.
Accidental Solution
Through it all we continued to walk. Until, almost by accident we realized that our walks–while certainly providing exercise to us both–were providing something else. Space. Time. Commitment. To each other and to our family. We realized the decision we made to show up every day wasn’t just about our exercise anymore. It was about us.
We Show Up in our Marriage
Every night, virtually without fail, you will find us walking together. No matter the weather or the challenges of the day. Sometimes we’re quiet, others we fight. Sometimes we chat easily and happily. There are days we squeeze it in, and others we linger with extra time. Still every day, we are committed. To each other and to our kids. To the walk and the foot steps that hold us together, even when it’s hard. If you are currently going through a hard time showing up could be the change you need to keep your marriage strong, even if it’s as small as showing up for a walk.
