There were four stop lights in my small hometown: an everyone-knows-your-story kind of place. I was the oldest of four kids, the bonus mom to my younger siblings. My mom was a nurse, my dad a college professor. They divorced when I was 18, and lucky for me stayed dear friends.
Any time I had out of school we spent at the ice arena; my brothers played hockey and my sister and I figure skated. I spent early morning hours before school and again every night on the ice. When my nose was cold, my feet were sore and I was moving across the ice, I was the most at ease. The ice gave this quiet, shy girl a voice.
College Drop Out
Right out of high school I started college, even though I was wholly unprepared to do so. In addition to classes, I traded competitions and ice shows for coaching. A bar tending gig after hours and an office job in the afternoons rounded out my days. Struggling in school, after changing my major three– or was it four?– times and nearly failing out…I quit.
When a chance opportunity to audition for Disney on Ice suddenly presented itself I jumped on it. Six days later, I had packed my belongings into two suitcases, left a mess in my apartment for my mom to clean up, hopped aboard a six-seater plane, and flew to Dayton, Ohio where I joined a company already in the middle of a tour.
Twenty-four hours after I landed, I made my debut– skating in front of my first professional crowd. I spent six months on the road, traveling the eastern seaboard, Puerto Rico, and Canada. The show was home to all manner of different people from many different countries. I learned their customs and heard new ideas; I learned how to be on time, take care of myself, meet demands, handle criticism, and began to understand how to own my mistakes.
When I came home, I’d grown up. I was ready. I applied to the nursing program, was accepted, and finally had a plan. Three years later, I’d met the love of my life, graduated with my degree in nursing, and a had ring on my hand.
Newlyweds
Eric and I moved to Lansing a week after college graduation, living in a small Cape Cod a few blocks west of Frandor. I loved that little house…the hardwood floors, the wrought iron door knobs, and the deeply aged, beautiful woodwork…but mostly I loved it because it was ours. Settling into being a wife and a nurse happened quickly, and as soon as that felt comfortable, I found out I would be a momma and things changed again.
Planet Boy
Cooper was soon followed by Jackson and then Aiden. Moving to the country, I became a stay-at-home mom. A succession of animals filled our farm– cows, chickens, ducks, dogs, bunnies, hermit crabs, turtles, and once, a salamander. The boys were keen on adventure: they built skate board ramps, snow board rails, bike jumps, and forts. We survived multiple concussions, sprains, dislocations, surgeries (six!), too many stitches to count, and twenty-two broken bones. We once spent an entire winter getting a new cast on a different broken arm for four months straight. Together we sat at thousands of sporting events– football, baseball, lacrosse, soccer, track, and tennis. There were days when I said if we got to the end of the day and everyone was alive…I did my job! Their appetite for adrenaline, and occasionally disaster, kept us on our toes, kept us exhausted, and ultimately bound us together.
Leaving the Nest
Twenty-two years later, my oldest son is nearly the age I was when he was born. In fact, he’s older than I was when I met his daddy.
The days are quieter now: less manual labor and more work of the heart and head. Helping them discover their career paths, make big life choices, and guiding them as they do hard things. My once all-consuming love for their young, sweet souls has grown into a powerful love textured with mistakes made– both mine and theirs– respect for who they are, awe at their uniqueness and curiosity about their future– all the things that make them real.
Our rowdy house of three boys under the age of five has turned into a way station for three boys whose lives are growing and changing. They are at varying stages of launching and I find myself having difficulty defining who I am now that they no longer require me to be the center of their universe.
My boys have taught me that forgiveness, patience, and truth are the tenants our life is built upon and without them the love we hold is weaker. Parenting is hard. Parenting teenagers will bring you to your knees. Being a mother is humbling and gratifying and beautifully tragic in so many ways. I’ve learned that when your children leave your home, they still fill your heart like the day you found out they were to be.
What’s Next
I love to walk and exercise– hiking is my favorite. A big glass of red wine in the evening or a concert on the weekend make me happy; music can almost always change my mood. The beach is my favorite place to be: the sunshine and the sand, sunrise and sunset, and most importantly, I love the water. The waves speak to me in a language of resilience, persistence, and grit. Their constant pattern of moving forward, of relentless pursuit of their goal helps me to remember that I can do hard things and my kids can too.
Eric and I are learning one of the blessings of a quieter house is finding more time to do things together that we’ve always wanted to do. We travel (with and without the boys), walk together every night with our Laborador Lulu, and love a good house project! We still spend a lot of time watching Aiden play sports. Together, we are soaking up every minute of that as we know the end is near.
As for me? Remember I said I dropped out of college? My first major was journalism. I wanted to be a writer. But I didn’t know how to make that happen. So, I gave up. My boys and my husband (who is my biggest fan and very best friend) gave me the confidence, the courage and the love to try again. Two years ago, I published my first of three books. My blog enjoys a small following, and I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to speak in libraries, high schools, book clubs, and women’s groups about writing, my books, life, and love. I am excited to join Lansing Mom and look forward to sharing with you about raising teens and young adults!
