I’ll never forget the moment we knew we wanted to have another child. We were snuggling our four month old and talked about how much we loved him and really wanted him to have a sibling. By that point, we had found our balance in this parenting gig and felt like rockstars. Adding another child to our little family seemed easy. There were two of us, would there would be two of them? We kept thinking, how hard could it be? Those kids had no clue what they were getting themselves into going from one kid to two. Now I’m sharing my advice on how to handle transitioning your family from one kid to two!
Make a Plan For Transitioning Your Family From One Kid to Two
I promise, this isn’t to scare you. Growing your family is a beautiful thing, and wanting another child is doable. Many of the concerns I had did come to fruition, but there were also surprises. Going from one kid to two made us feel outnumbered. Before, when one had the baby, the other had free time or could help out. With two, we were both juggling and trying to maneuver what used to be easy. Bath time, making dinner, and bedtime were all routines that needed adjusting. Those of you who tend to see how things go and then act, you don’t need to change a thing. For those like me, who crave structure and routine, I encourage you to have an idea of what those times will look like. Of course they won’t go exactly as planned, but at least you’ll have an idea of how to tackle your routines.
Embrace the Chaos
Whether you are a Type-A nut like myself or Type-Z, your house will be chaotic. There won’t be time to clean up like there was with one child. Now you have a little one running around and a baby to keep alive. The toys will be everywhere and empty bottles will litter your living room. It will feel like a circus, but I promise is not forever. As you learned with your first, time goes by way too fast. Try to look beyond this crazy time and soak in those moments with your new little. There will be plenty of time for order later in life, or maybe you will slowly see that order is overrated.
Give Yourself Grace
I knew there would be guilt with having another baby. We had two and a half years with my oldest, all to ourselves. Now, we had a new tiny person taking away our attention. I really struggled with this even though I had scheduled one-on-one time with both boys. My oldest would go to daycare two days a week while I spent the day snuggling the baby. On Fridays, my in-laws would watch the baby, while my oldest and I would go on an outing together. We held to this, but I still questioned if I was enough. I had endless days with my oldest as a newborn and knew my baby was getting far less one-on-one time. Would he still be bonded to me? My oldest was used to having my undivided attention. Did he still feel loved? The guilt consumed me.
Now that I am 14 months into this new life, here is what I know. My oldest son doesn’t remember life before his brother joined us. He is a confident little man who knows he is adored. My baby is now 2 months past one year old and is attached to my hip, literally. My fears in him bonding with me still make me chuckle. You will have guilt too, but that’s to be expected going from one kid to two. Just know you will be okay and will be more than enough.
Don’t Forget Yourself
I am fortunate that I have a partner who has always been hands on. Single parents or mamas without support likely don’t find time to themselves, even with one kid. I give you all the credit and hugs. For me, we had a balance prior to two kids. I never felt bad leaving my husband home with my oldest so I could have a girls night. I had naps and bedtime to myself, too. After our second came along, I found myself forgetting when the last time I had “me time” was. Even now, I still struggle with this. I know my husband is capable, but I feel bad leaving him outnumbered while I go have fun. The thing is, that is important. You have a lot on your plate, mama. Your kids need a mama who takes care of herself, too.
Everyone has a different situation at home. Whether it be asking a friend, utilizing daycare, seeking help from family, or whoever else you can rely on, please make time for you. It is too easy to get lost in this new life. I try to schedule one day every 3 months where I take the day off of work, have the kids at daycare, and I spend a day with me. It fills my cup and rejuvenates me. The minute I get home, I already see a difference in how I am with my family. Going from one kid to two makes it harder to do this, but it needs to happen. Don’t forget, you were you before you were their mama.
